Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
