i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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