I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
