Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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