So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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