I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
