I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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