That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
