I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
