so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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