1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
