Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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