Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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