I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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