What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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