I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
love makes seman taste better
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
