Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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