Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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