Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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