I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
