he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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