Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
