Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
