Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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