Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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