I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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