the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
