Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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