I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
