my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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