walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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