this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
