Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
