I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
