I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
