hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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