You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the day after is always just damage control
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
