if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
