woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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