I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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