I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize