i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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