she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
