Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
