I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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