just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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