Cold hands, warm shart.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
