All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
