I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
