I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
