My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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