Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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