Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
