He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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