Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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