I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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