Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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