Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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