A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
