dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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