My hand turned me down
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
4 words: hood of his car
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
