Cold hands, warm shart.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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