im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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