did you get engaged???
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
