I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i now understand why vodka
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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