I got chris browned last night
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
