I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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