remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
