DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
