i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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