Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
