do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
