hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I will die if light touches me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
