somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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