Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
