oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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