ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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