my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
