i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
